EXCITEMENT!

39 DAYS TO GO!

I can't believe how excited I'm getting. I know I did nothing but moan and groan for so long...but I'm so excited...it's actually coming up!!

Today we booked our honeymoon!!! Actually paid and are going!!! To a five star resort in Mexico! I can't beleive it!!! I've never been more excited for anything...The week of October 10th is going to be amazing.

I've put reading on a big hold for now....mainly because I've read through my book list for now...I could use some suggestions!!!

I'm turning my focus to my crafts. The flowers for the wedding need finishing...and I've got to start my Christmas presents!!! But I could still use some books to read...especially for when I'm in Mexico!! So please comment with some suggestions!

:)

Heat=hide

I love the sun....it makes everything bright and fun and happy...but I hate heat...I HATE it. I hate sweating and I hate feeling hot. Which makes things very awkward in the summer. I look forward to it all year...but then it just gets HOT. So hot that I won't do anything. I will hide inside on amazing days because it feels like 32 degrees outside. Which is just too hot for me. I hate feeling uncomfortable and hot and gross. I feel kinda bad that I've been spending my days off hiding inside...though it's given me a chance to work on a lot of wedding stuff...the smaller crafty items. Which I actually think is great because come September I think I'm going to be VERY busy with work so I don't feel TOO bad....except that it's too hot for me to even want to THINK about exercising...lame...

I do want to go for a swim in the ocean though...I've never swam in the pacific before...but I just don't want to go outside! Or alone....

So! Allow me to review some books!

First up

The Friday Night Knitting Club series.

The above two along with Knit The Season are what I've read thus far in August. I really like the first book, The Friday Night Knitting Club. So much conflict! Definitely difficult to put down...and really got me wanting to pick up my knitting again! (I've been crocheting for most of the summer) It's a fantastic book and double awesome for anyone who likes knitting.

The other two books however....meh...just seem like a cash grab for the author...not very interesting...I can't say too much about them without revealing the plot from the first one...but they certainly weren't on the same level as the first one.

I also read

Not good....At least I didn't like it....it was kind of like....hey we talk about Jane Austen books....sort of...here is a lame plot for every member....It just didn't have any gusto...no major conflict...nothing that would make me relate to any of the characters in a way where I would want to eagerly keep reading.

For an amazing book club book I recommend Angry Housewives Eating Bonbons. That was the first book I started reading when I joined a book club back in Victoria (which I miss very much and will probably end up starting my own club in the fall). It was SO ripe with conflict and struggle and drama....Excellent read.

I'm finishing up Comfort Food by the same author as the Friday Night series....but it's REALLY annoying me....I won't put up a review of it...other than it really annoys me..I think this is a book that other might really like...but for my personality and the personality of the main character and those she's surrounded by...I'm annoyed...Augh...Can't wait to be done.

I also found time to sneak in The Girl Who Played With Fire, the sequel to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, (which we all know I loved.) I finished this one in about 5-6 hours because I couldn't put it down...These books are amazing and I can't wait for the third one!!! It's being passed through people so I have to wait a bit.

I think I'm going to take a break from new books and read an old goodie....Perhaps a Harry Potter or Narnia book. Speaking of...I cannot WAIT for those movies!!!! It feels like FOREVER until they come out... Part of me doesn't want HP to ever come out....because then it's really over...AGAIN! It was hard enough to read the last book and know it was the end...but the end of the movies!? :( sadmac.

Body Issues

I've been so bothered lately with myself....I feel like I just can't be happy with who I am....

Let's start way back at the beginning....I've always been overweight. Since I was too little....which is unfortunate...Things weren't too bad when I was a swimmer and practicing for almost 2 hours a day, 6 times a week. However, once I stopped swimming things got really bad....and I was tormented in school, which of course isn't nice and thus I have some hurt from back then that I still carry with me.... Luckily due to the closing of Geocities most of the photos of me at my worst are now lost to the world....

I lost a ton of weight in grade 12 thanks to a fad diet....so of course once I stopped that it all came back....coupled with first year of university....Frosh 15? I wish...anyways....It was a very very long time before I woke up and started exercising....I didn't notice at the time...but I look back at photos and I'm just shocked at how I looked....So since the start of university I've yo-yo'ed with my weight a lot.

I've lost a LOT of weight this year....finally due to just LOTS of exercising and smart eating...I'm sad to say that it actually surprised me that it's just as simple as that....

Compared to last year I look fantastic.....I fit into clothes I didn't last year...even remotely...and yet I'm STILL not happy....but I SHOULD be...I look FANTASTIC in my wedding dress....I'm normally happy when I wake up and see myself in the mirror...but I still feel like I'm just not good enough....whenever I see photos of myself the first thing I see is fat...and bleh...I hate photos of me....but then I also LOVE them..I think I look AWFUL at my sister's wedding...like HUGE massive bleh.....and in my engagement photos I'm not too happy either...I look OK...but not great....I see a lot of problems....

I guess I'm really worried I'm going to see my wedding photos and just see how fat and gross I am....

I shouldn't be so hard on myself...I mean look at these girls and Sara Ramirez and Brooke Elliott. Gorgeous...and let's not pretend I don't have my own hot modelling shots.

I just don't know why I can't be happy with myself....I'm still excercising....not as much in the summer because it gets hard with things to do and the heat....and eating well has fallen a little by the wayside with the heat and ice cream being nice and refreshing....and my refrigerator being broken for so long didn't help as that left me with dry goods to eat...meaning mostly carbs and eating out...I think I feel like Jabba the Hut and I'm pretty sure that what everyone else sees....that and my biggest fear is ending up like this...

Pretty much terrified...sometimes I feel like I already DO look like this....

I just don't know what to think....I'm not trying to impress ANYONE...except myself...no one is judging me...I'm healthy (for the most part) and I don't feel any pressure....I'm just...not happy...

The worst foe lies within the self.....